This post may be a lil too personal but I wnted to post this anyways to release what I am feeling. Last Sunday, my husband and I learned that I was pregnant. If you are a usual reader, you already knew that by my posts the past week.
I sadly had a miscarriage this morning. The past 5 days I was bleeding and cramping really bad. I went to the ER and the clinic about 5 times in the past few days. I kind of got the run around and I wasnt getting any answers and I knew something was wrong. My other two pregnancies were not like this and the pain was different, it felt like I was in labor.
I passed two very large sacs, indicating that I had twins. This morning I passed the first small sac. Then half an hour later, I passed the second. My husband and I had a hunch that I was going to have twins, along did my brother and sister. My body had shown so fast preparing for the babies to grow. There are twins on every side of my family: my dad's, my mom's and on Jermie's side too. Its not comforting that we lost them, but it is somewhat good to know that we can get pregnant and we can have twins. As crazy as that may seem, we want twins.
I found a blog dedicated for women who have had this same experience with twin miscarriages. I read so many stories and cried along with them for their babies and our own.You can check out the blog here at
Hope in Miscarriage. I took comfort and peace knowing I am not the only one going through this. I am sad but I am strong. I believe everything happens for a reason and that God has a different plan. Im ok with this. My husband and I are sad, but we will get through this together. We are just thankful that we can have children and that twins are possible in the family. We are planning on getting twin matching tattoos-something to symbolize them so we can remember this experience and grow from it.
If anybody you know is going through a miscarriage or a loss of a child during pregnancy or after given birth and the child has passed, there is an website you can visit where a photographer will write your child's name in the sand and photograph it during a sunset. She suffered a loss as well and begun taking pictures to help love and remember those whom we have lost. Her website is
http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/ I think this is an awesome healing project and there are many links you can go to from her page.Her photography is simply breathtaking just go see her site.
I do not want anyone to be sad for me or for my husband. My husband thinks I shouldnt post this, but the way I feel about it is I have to talk about it. Talking about it helps me to process what is happening. I dont want pity but I want those close to me or who feel a connection to me to know what is going on and they can be supportive or not. If you dont know what to say, its ok, dont say anything at all. Just say a small prayer in your heart for all the families, and mother and fathers going through this. I also found a site about what you should NEVER say to a woman who has had a miscarriage. I dont feel this way about what people say, but I can see how some women will be sensitive to it. Check it out
HereI will leave with this poem I thought was so perfect for how I feel.
My Angel
Don't let them say I never lived,
Though something stopped my heart,
I felt the tenderness you gave,
I loved you from the start.
Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean I'm gone,
This world was worthy, not, of me,
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face,
You have my word, I'll fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.
You'll hear that it was "meant to be
God doesn't make mistakes",
But that won't soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.
I'm watching over all you do,
Another child you'll bear,
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.
There'll come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips,
And then you'll understand.
Although I never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes,
That doesn't mean I never "was"
An angel never dies...
